Little things mean so much.

Writing a blog is so much harder than I ever imagined. There are so many things I want to share, and not all of them are easy to talk about. From the very beginning, probably as soon as Matthew was born, communication between my husband and myself has been difficult. It seems like things that should have brought us closer pushed us away from each other. It should have been easy for us to be vulnerable with one another...to be able to talk to the one other person on the planet that would understand how the other felt....it wasn't. It still isn't. I don't blame him, and I hope he doesn't blame me....it is just very difficult for us. I think part of it is our own self pride, the rest is just not knowing what to say.

Other than when Matthew is at school, 99.9% of his care falls on me. I don't mind it, but having some help would be nice. Not having to ask for it, would be even better. It's been 17 years and I have to admit, I have resentment. I get so overwhelmed at times. When Cody and Alyson were home, it was great. They both helped me so much. Cody was a fantastic helper. I realize that I am the mom here and for the most part, society expects the mom take care of the maternal things....diapers, baths, etc. Which is fine. I have no complaints with the idea, but for how long? For most families, after the age of 2, the care is not so involved. The older the child gets, the easier it gets. It is not the same for the families and parents of special needs or critically ill children. I guess maybe I should come right out and say "hey, I could use a little help here". It's not that the care is hard. It isn't....but my inner voice tells me that I should not have to do this alone. Maybe he wants to help, but isn't sure how. That is why communication is so important.

It is for things like this that I hope this blog helps. Being able to vent is a very good stress reliever.  Keeping your emotions bottled up does not help. So if you have friends or family members that are in a similar situation, I recommend listening to them....letting them vent. It isn't always easy. To me, it would be easier to talk to someone outside my family circle about things like this, but that is just me. We all have different needs. For parents, I suggest you try your hardest to keep the lines of communication open. If you find you can't talk to each other face to face, try writing your thoughts down. Once a wall has been built, it is so hard to overcome it and resentments and frustrations can grow.